


Once and Again

by AkaiShinda (Ayleid)



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Comfort, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Pre-Relationship, almost there though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 21:57:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3625731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayleid/pseuds/AkaiShinda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alistair wonders about how Elissa's noble life was like before the chaos and she asks him about his thoughts. Seeing her getting lost in her thoughts, he gives her hope and realizes a thing or two about his own life as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Once and Again

The senses tingling, that’s what she used to say. Darkspawn senses tingling, and she drew her weapon to charge at the beasts like there was no tomorrow. It occurred more than once that the squad was taken by surprise and by the time Alistair registered what happened she was already running head-first into battle. How many times had he heard Morrigan yell after her to wait up or leave something for them? One would expect a noble to be more diligent but Elissa Cousland? She was simply _different_. Not something Alistair would expect from a teyrn’s daughter to be like.

He didn’t have nice impressions about nobility, to start with. Isolde, Eamon and the other folks simply neglected his existence and even the times when he was noticed as a breathing human being, he was only a bastard. A secondary item in the repertoire, some problem to be dealt with later. For all the times he’d been brushed aside, Alistair doubted nobles would care about anything else but heritage and pedigree. That’s when Elissa came along.

Perhaps the recent events caused this drastic change in her mentality, if there was a change at all. Teyrn Cousland’s daughter had to watch her entire home and house burn and scatter, only to be mingled with Grey Wardens afterwards. The thief, the cowardly knight… and now the bastard, ex-templar nothing. He was wondering if Elissa was something like Isolde had been… before the fall.

“What’s on your mind?”

On a short circuit, Alistair cleared his throat and backtracked into their current situation. Orzammar, Common Grounds, him and Elissa. Elissa, with the lopsided, attentive smile on her lips, every time she looked at him like that his ears burnt and Alistair couldn’t help but stutter. It was her idea to have only him along for the time being, to walk around and listen to the common folk’s gossip, check the shops and wait for the Provings to begin. They’d catch up to Zevran and Morrigan later, she mentioned.

Soon, they’d venture into the Deep Roads.

As for now, they were alone.

“Um, nothing,” he shrugged.

He half-expected a comment on that, as it would always come from someone around them. Yes, he wasn’t the brightest of the gang, that was Elissa… he flexed his jaw and turned his gaze away from her, as if it’d be too much to bear.

“I… see.”

No, he didn’t intend to… her voice echoed in his ears, understanding yet with a distant ring of uncertainty. She read him so well already and it’s been only months. He had to make this right, not to confuse her or anything when the occasion to be alone with her finally presented itself and he didn’t want to mess it up.

Elissa moved to turn and look at her map again, to see where that smith’s shop was again. They’d be off soon and maybe he’d never get to explain.

“I… I was wondering what you were like before this all,” there, he said it, pursing his lips tightly and resisting the urge to glance to the sides in awkwardness. All that mattered was that Elissa’s gaze lifted from the parched scroll and she drew in a breath.

The moments drew, his eyes fixated on the woman’s expressions and attempting to read her emotions behind those well-constructed walls. Her eyes lingered somewhere above the map in the emptiness, he could see memories and notions roam behind her chestnut-colored eyes along with a certain sadness and longing. Alistair cast his eyes away for a moment to let her collect her thoughts properly, to chew on her upper lip for a few seconds.

“I loved hunting, “she began, her voice unusually quiet. Her gaze wandered mid-air and never found Alistair, as much as he’d wished so. “Being out in the open, riding and such but I never rebelled against the lessons of history and literature either. I loved dancing, the music lessons. Father used to say I’m sort of an in-between, Fergus was the heroic warrior son of his and me the scout with refined tastes of music. None of these matter anymore, I suppose.”

Her nostalgia stretched the air and the time between them painfully long. Her words sank in with bitterness, the warmth faintly there and barely reflecting on the cherished memories as Elissa herself diminished the light from them. She repressed a shudder and Alistair himself involuntarily began to wonder about Elissa’s… still ever-so frequent nightmares.

She forced a weak smile on her lips which was merely a pull of a corner, least resembling the reassurance she intended for her eyes reflected one of the deepest sorrows and bitter acceptance Alistair had ever seen. He wouldn’t soon forget Elissa’s sharp intake of air or the way she averted her eyes from him again.

Then it dawned on him.

“It’s not all lost, “he blurted. “I know it’s… not much, but we can always ask Leliana to sing and play her lute for us. Or, to ask Wynne to tell us about history… we could…” he forced the gears in his mind into motion again, frowning and searching for words, almost grunting when they came so slow. “We could go and hunt around the camp if you wanted to, instead of buying the food at taverns, we can just… you know…” he lifted a hand in hopelessness at let if fall in the air again, looking up and meeting their gazes, only to have said gears come to a halt and perish all thoughts.

Elissa smiled at him, weakly and afraid but she was smiling. She held the map in both of her hands, forgotten and crumpled but all the while she was looking at him. He knew he couldn’t offer much in return for her hurt and tragedy. He knew he himself was nearly insignificant aside from his bloodline and he didn’t have any particular talents either, he couldn’t dance or play any instrument or go hunting those swift animals in the forests, but the people around, they could. She wasn’t alone.

And she smiled at him, of all people. Her eyes took in his form, his being and Alistair felt incredibly warm at once from the intense cherish Elissa bathed him into. She was grateful for his words, for his boyish stuttering and his weak attempt to make her feel better. Less abandoned, probably.

“Thank you, Alistair.”

He didn’t do anything. He only felt this familiar warmth reaching into every limb of his and have his arms feel suddenly limp, empty and needy to reach out and draw her into a reassuring hug. To hold her close and ease her pain, knowing full well how it felt to be torn away from places and forced to march forward without a moment to breathe. He clenched his jaw to gather all courage he could muster and held his hand out in the air between them. The lady glanced down at his gesture, her smile growing and filling with contentment as she accepted it, cold fingertips brushing around his warm and big palm, to be pulled close.

Alistair sensed his own lungs in need for air and he drew in a long, satisfying breath as Elissa stepped closer and let herself be held for a short while, secretly finding reassurance and peace in the tall man’s firm hold around her. He was careful not to press her into his armour and held his hands at a respectful distance from her hind-quarters, one arm gently resting around her waist while the other caressed her back, as if he’d like to ease some warmth into her.

She rested her head on his breastplate and Alistair sighed into her hair, hoping that despite all the cruelty and hatred of the world he could give a moment of peace to her. Something to remember, to hold onto. He’d be there to lean onto.

“I’m here for you too, you know,” she muttered against the cold metal, grabbing Alistair’s attention once again. Elissa repressed the slight tremble in her voice and finally let that tight and gripping sigh out of her lungs in unspoken relief before looking up at the young man again. Warmth and success swelled in Alistair’s chest, for Elissa’s eyes glistened in contentment and confidence. “It’s not all lost for you either.”

He blinked once, twice in the realization, suddenly aware that as long as Elissa would be around him, he’d never be discarded or left behind.

Never again.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to find my way back to writing in English. Have mercy! I hope you liked it, comments and kudos are loved and appreciated. :)


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